My #METOO story begins when I was a freshman in college and someone a BLACK man with sagging pants and shoulder length dreadlocks yelled out as I was walking by him and his group, “That ugly BITCH deserves to get raped!!!”
At that moment, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in a mirror. My hair was braided, I was wearing a body suit and pants. The body suit did expose some cleavage as was per the style in the 1990s. Nonetheless, inside I felt shame and FEAR.
Later on, (after the daily harassment had gotten worse), I was walking in a group of students across campus. We were all going to a midterm in the same building. Two WHITE males, wearing baseball caps over there blond hair, and expensive winter coats, were pointing at me and laughing out loud: “Dude, she is so ugly. I bet you could totally get away with RAPING her.”
The other one said: “The judge would say, ‘did you do it?’
And I’d be like No! Look at her! Who would want that?”
Both of these experiences happened with in a few months of each other before winter break. They defined my entire college experience socially.
Consequently I was affected in the following ways:
1. When I was in my twenty’s I gave my virginity away, trying to feel loved, validated and NORMAL to a guy a shouldn’t have.
2. I hated myself for years, and I am still in therapy now to get over myself hate.
3. I have a high level of distrust and have only passing relationships with other BLACK people. Strangely enough I trust the men more than other females because I “KNOW” I’m UNTOUCHABLE. (I don’t even like to look at myself in the mirror).
4. My junior year of college, 2 days after I turned 21, I tried to commit suicide.
After all of this, I can still say I have NEVER been RAPED. And, I can NEVER say I have been RAPED.
What I can say is that men in my younger years were perverse and evil people.
What I can say is the females around at that time were just as bad as the males. (Especially the black women in college who said A I was ugly. B Spread rumors that I was easy, just tell her that’s she beautiful. C. Laughed at my pain when I did cry.)
I DON’T THINK YOU HAVE TO LOOK LIKE BEYONCE TO GET RAPED. I KNOW THAT FROM BEING THREATEN WITH AND PSYCHOLOGICALLY SCARRED BY THE IDEA OF IT. THAT IS THE HEART BEHIND THE REASON FOR #METOO. THANKS FOR YOU TIME.